Size of a Cow
by Wednesdayite13
Summary: A group of Transformers are stuck on Asgard. Jetfire and Jetstorm receive threatening emails. And Tony Stark has an SUV. Transformers Humanized. Warning quite dark
1. SUV

It was nearly midnight. The Elite Guard were on Asgard. They were all asleep/recharging apart from Vampirella. She hardly recharged. She did, however, get thirsty a lot. She was walking back to her room with some water when she saw that Loki's door was open slightly...

"What does SUV stand for?" Jazz asked.  
"It's something Utility Vehicle." Vampirella replied.  
"Yeah but what's the something?"  
"Sausage Utility Vehicle?" Vampirella suggested. "Sandwich Utility Vehicle? Stark Utility Vehicle? Sultana Utility Vehicle?"  
_'Oh no what have I started?'_  
She continued. "Samurai Utility Vehicle."  
"Sheffield United Vehicle." Jazz joked, earning him a shove. "Ow!"  
"Do all American cops have black SUVs? Coz the BAU all have one and so do the CIA."  
Jazz laughed, secretly loving this pointless conversation. "It's in the job description."  
Blurr was outside listening in, wondering weather or not it's safe to enter.  
"Zippy!" Jazz greeted his friend. "Do us a favour?"  
"You-want-me-to-look-up-what-SUV-stands-for?"  
Vampirella nodded.  
"It's-Sport-Utility-Vehicle."  
Vampirella and Jazz paused.  
"...Well that's boring."  
"Yeah." Jazz agreed. "I prefer the Sausage Utility Vehicle."  
"Yeah let's call it that now."  
"Oh-V-have-you-checked-your-Facebook-recently?"  
"No, why?" Vampirella checked her Facebook from her phone. "LOKI YOU'RE DEAD!"  
Loki appeared from behind the sofa. "Pay back!"  
It was a picture of Vampirella asleep in the car on the trip back from Cardiff. It was payback for Vampirella tweeting a picture of Loki sleeping half off the bed.

They were about to get a tour of Asgard. Vampirella went to find Jetfire and Jetstorm to see if they were coming because they weren't answering their phones.  
**Knock knock**  
"Guys we're getting a tour of Asgard, you coming?"  
Jetfire looked up. "Erm, yes. Sure."  
"What's up?" Vampirella asked.  
"Nothing." Jetstorm lied, but then thought against it because Vampirella would know. "We just got a dodgy email."  
"Show me."  
"It's just a load of numbers." Said Jetfire, getting up the email anyway.  
'8-23-18-4-21-5-23 16-2-19 8-23-18-1-18-9-5-14 18-7-23 18-17-9 4-11-20-21-2-6 16-25-18-9-22-9-18-1 21 22-23-18 21 10-2-9-17 14-9-5-23 16-22-9-25-18 20-9-25 18-7-16-2 20-9-25 23-3-23-2 10-2-9-17 5-23-15-11-20 18-9 18-7-21-1 23-14-16-21-11 22-23-4-9-5-23 18-9-14-9-5-5-9-17 9-5 20-9-25 17-21-11-11 19-21-23 18-7-16-18 21-1 21-4 20-9-25 24-16-2 24-5-16-24-10 18-7-21-1 24-9-19-23'  
Vampirella stared at the message for a while. "It might be in code. If so, I'm sure I can crack it."

Vampirella was sat with a notepad and a pen. They had postponed the tour of Asgard. Blurr and Shockwave were helping out, but they weren't having much luck.  
"If it is that numbers equal letters thing, it still wouldn't make any sense." Shockwave pointed out.  
"Why, what have you got?" Vampirella asked. Shockwave showed Vampirella what the message would say if it was that.  
'Hwrduew pbs hwrarien, rgw rqi dktubf pyrivira u vwr u jbiq niew pviyr tiy rgpb tiy wcwb jbiq ewokt ri rgua wnpuk vwdiew rinieeiq ie tiy qukk suw rgpr ua ud tiy xpb xepxj rgua xisw'  
"Zippy, how many codes do you know of?" Vampirella asked.  
"I-know-of-about-16-different-ways-it-will-take-a-while-to..." He paused.  
"Zippy? What's up?" Vampirella asked.  
"There's-one-called-the-Keyboard-Cipher-which-is-when-you-look-at-a-qwerty-keyboard-and-you-put-the-letter-next-to-it."  
Vampirella scanned through the message. "That makes sense." She rewrote the message using that code.  
"Should we tell them?" Shockwave asked.  
"Is anyone with them right now?"  
"I-think-Jazz-is-why?"  
"Text him the message. I think something's wrong with their phones, they didn't pick up when I called them earlier."

"Jetfire and Jetstorm, the two flying Autobots. I bet I know more about you than even you know. Reply to this email before tomorrow or you will die. That is, if you can crack this code." Jazz read aloud.  
The twins froze.  
"Do you want me to reply?" Jazz asked.  
They nodded. That's just about all they could do right then.  
**'Who are you?'** Jazz pressed send.  
Almost immediately, the sender popped up.  
**Anonymous says: Oh so you did crack the code. Smart**  
Jazz continued to type to the sender.  
**FireAndStorm says: Who are you?!  
Anonymous says: None of your business  
FireAndStorm says: You send a message, it's kinda our business  
Anonymous says: All in good time. That's not the only coded message you will have to work out  
_Anonymous is offline_**


	2. Size of a Cow

"Size of a Cow."  
Vampirella threw a pillow at Jetfire. "Shut up!"  
Shockwave was trying their best to track where the email came from, while Vampirella was taking the twin's minds of it. They were helping to arrange the next Poke-e-geists gig.  
"Yeah yeah." Skywarp agreed. "It's such a catchy song."  
Vampirella reached for another pillow, but Blitzwing grabbed it before she had the chance.  
"Hey, give me my pillow!"  
Perceptor laughed. "We don't even know the theme of it yet."  
Blurr sat up. "OK-so-usually-the-theme-is-sort-of-inspirational-even-though-we-do-comedy-stuff-so-maybe-we-could-do-something-about-the-problems-we-come-across."  
"That's actually a good idea." Vampirella agreed.  
"Yeah, songs like Pack Up Your Troubles and that Tubthumping one." Skywarp suggested.  
"And Size of a Cow." Jetstorm laughed.  
"OK Blitz gimme that pillow!"  
The two fought over the pillow until Skywarp warped and hid it. "No-one gets the pillow!"  
Blitzwing laughed and Hi5ed Skywarp. Vampirella eyed up the pillow on the other side of the room, the one she threw at Jetfire. The others noticed...and they all leaped forward for it.

Shockwave was nearly falling asleep. He had been up all night trying to find out where the email had come from, but as soon as he got close and error window popped up

Jazz looked out of the window and saw a black SUV pull up.  
**Knock knock**  
"Who is it?"  
"It's me, Tony."  
Jazz opened the door and greeted his friend, before bursting out laughing.  
"I'm sorry...it's just...we were talking about SUVs and what they stand for...and Vampirella came up with lots of possibilities...and one of which was a Stark Utility Vehicle."  
"Ah, I like that possibility. Anyway I heard about the email and thought maybe I could help out."

Vampirella had a list of songs.  
"So Pack Up Your Troubles. Tubthumping. It's My Life. Nothing Else Matters. Let It Shine."  
"Size of a Cow." Blurr interrupted.  
"I NEED A PILLOW!"

"Every time I get close..." An error window popped up. "This happens."  
"Look, there's an unread email." Stark pointed out. Shockwave clicked on it.  
'Don't you think it's funny that nothing's what it  
seems when you're not looking forward?  
Me, I'd like to think life is like a drink,  
and I'm hoping that it tastes like bourbon.  
You know that I've been drunk a thousand times,  
and these should be the best days of my life,  
Life, it's not what I thought it was.  
Damn blast, look at my past,  
ripping up my feet over broken glass.'  
Tony was confused. "I don't get that. Is that supposed to mean something?"  
"It must be a poem or song or something." Shockwave thought.

Blurr got a text. It was the latest message. He read it aloud.  
"What does that mean?" Skywarp asked.  
Vampirella froze. "I...I think...whoever this is is watching us."  
"How do you know?" Perceptor asked.  
"You don't recognise that?"  
He shook his head.  
"Want me to tell you the rest of it?"  
"OK."  
Vampirella paused, before saying "Oh wow, look at me now, I'm building up my problems to the size of a cow."  
The twins froze after hearing that. "I-I think you might be right."


	3. MSN

**Vampirella- Wednesdayite  
Blurr- ZipADeeDooDah  
Jazz- JazzHandz  
Megatron- Teethies  
Shockwave- ShockHorror  
Skywarp- Warpies  
Blitzwing- Randomz  
Knockout- NokiaJOFY892  
Jetfire- FireStarter  
Jetstorm- ColdAsIce  
Mirage- Disappear  
Blaster- RocknRoll  
Perceptor- ScienceGeek  
Tony Stark- ShootToThrill  
Loki- Trickster  
Thor- Thunderstruck**

Mirage was checking emails when someone popped up.  
**Anonymous says: Did you figure it out?  
Disappear says: How did you get this address?!  
Anonymous says: You did not answer my question  
Disappear says: Figure what out? That you're watching us?!  
Anonymous says: Well, that was a bonus  
Disappear says: You mean that's not what we were supposed to figure out?  
Anonymous says: Not entirely**  
"GUYS LOG ON!" Mirage yelled.  
**_Wednesdayite is online  
ZipADeeDooDah is online  
JazzHandz is online  
Teethies is online  
Warpies is online  
Randomz is online  
NokiaJOFY892 is online  
RocknRoll is online  
ScienceGeek is online_  
Anonymous says: Wow, there are a lot of you  
_ShootToThrill is online_  
Anonymous says: Oh, another  
_Trickster is online  
Thunderstruck is online_  
Anonymous says: Two more. Wow I am in for a treat  
Teethies says: What do you want?!  
Anonymous says: I was having a nice conversation with your friend here. I asked if you figured out the last message yet?  
Disappear says: Apparently there's more than the fact that he's watching us  
Trickster says: He's watching us?!  
Wednesdayite says: I'm sorry, didn't I tell you?  
RocknRoll says: I don't think you told any of us  
Wednesdayite says: Oh sorry  
Thunderstruck says: How does the rest of that song go?  
Wednesdayite says: You know it would be strange to see like in a cage and only believe the things you see that are written on a page. How easy would it be home in time for tea and stop feeling like a sailboat rocking on the sea. You know that it's been sunk a thousand times and these should be the best days of my life...  
ShockHorror says: WHERE ARE FIRE AND STORM?!  
NokiaJOFY892 says: Scrap!  
Randomz says: Scrap!  
Warpies says: Scrap!  
Anonymous says: Ah, so you have figured it out  
ShootToThrill says: JARVIS said Jetfire and Jetstorm are still with you. Apparently they never left their room**  
"HELP!"  
**_Wednesdayite is offline_**


	4. Boom boom boom boom

"HELP!"  
Vampirella flew as quick as she could to the twin's room.  
"Fire? Storm?"  
"HELP WE'RE TRAPPED AND THERE'S A BOMB!"  
"Warp! There's a bomb, can you transwarp it far away from here?!" She yelled via comm link. Comm link! Why didn't she use that when she was trying to contact Fire and Storm? Wait, bomb.  
4  
"Hurry!"  
3  
"V!"  
2  
Skywarp transwarped the bomb to an abandoned planet.  
1

She then bashed the door open and hugged the two shaking Autobots. They stayed like that for a good few cycles before they noticed something.  
"Wh-where's Warp?" Jetfire asked.  
Vampirella froze. Warp hadn't returned.  
"Warp?! Warp respond!"

"Warp say something!"

"WARP!"  
She heard a violent cough and she sighed with relief. That was better than nothing, right?  
"Warp, talk to me! Where are you?"  
"I-I wasn't...f-fast...enough."  
Vampirella froze again. "Warp? Please tell me you weren't caught up in that bomb."  
"I-It went off...too soon."  
"Listen to me Warp! I promise you'll be OK. We're gonna find you and-"  
Vampirella was cut off by a sudden gasp.  
"Warp?"  
No response.  
"Warp!"  
"T-Talking hurts." He replied shakily.  
"It's OK just hang on."

Blurr had finally tracked Skywarp, Knockout and Vampirella were on their way to the abandoned planet.  
"Warp?!" Knockout yelled.  
"O-Over here."  
Skywarp's left leg was underneath some rubble and his left arm had a piece of metal sticking through it. Vampirella immediately rushed to his side, as did Knockout.  
"OK just stay awake! We need to get back to Asgard as soon as possible."


	5. Slow recovery

Skywarp cried out. They removed the rubble, but the next part was proving to be most difficult. Vampirella was trying her best to reassure him while Knockout was trying to remove the metal piercing his arm.  
"You know this would be a whole lot easier if we could get to Cybertron." Said Knockout. "But no! You had to go and make enemies with our own kind!"  
Skywarp was fighting to stay conscious. He just needed to stay awake long enough for them to remove the metal from his arm, but it was taking a whole lot longer that it should. Most of their medical equipment was either lost or broken so they had to make do with what they had. Right now, all they could do was hold Skywarp's arm still while they pulled the metal out and then try to slow down the bleeding. It was taking longer as they had to keep stopping, they didn't want Skywarp to bleed out.

Jetfire and Jetstorm were online when they got a webcam chat request from Anonymous. They shouted Shockwave before accepting it. Shockwave stayed out of view, but was silently trying to trace wherever this anonymous person was. Of course it was dark so they couldn't see who it was. Also, the person must have been using something to change his voice.  
"Ah, so we meet at last."  
"What do you want?!" Jetstorm asked, trying to sound calm and relaxed but sadly failing.  
"Would you like to see what happened to your friend? The one two tried to get rid of the bomb."  
They didn't know what to say. Of course they wanted to know what happened, but if it was something bad then they didn't want to see.

He left like he was about to loose consciousness, like his eyelids were too heavy. Vampirella noticed this.  
"It's OK, almost there."  
The metal had finally been removed, and they were now just slowing down the bleeding. Finally. He could recharge now.

Jetfire sighed. "What happened?"  
They were shown a video of Skywarp transwarping to an abandoned planet but not getting away in time. They saw the rubble and the metal through his arm.  
"I would be surprised if he made it." And with that, he logged off.  
They looked towards Shockwave.  
"I'm sorry. I couldn't trace it."

When he woke up, he felt a sharp pain in his arm. He noticed it had been stitched and bandaged. He also noticed a strap on his leg. He also noticed something else. He was dreadfully thirsty.  
"Hello?" He was much quieter than he had hoped to be.  
Apparently Mirage and Vampirella were nearby.  
"You're awake!"  
"Are you OK?" Vampirella asked.  
"I-I'm thirsty." His throat was really sore.  
"I shall get you a drink." Mirage left to get a drink.  
"How are you feeling?"  
Skywarp gave a pained smile. "Never better."  
Mirage returned with a drink. "That OK?"  
The seeker weakly took hold of the glass of water.  
"Great. Thanks."


	6. Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Thor and Loki were passing by when they heard sobbing.  
"S-so what do we do?" They heard Jetfire ask.  
"I-I don't know. If we don't turn up he'll offline us but if we do meet up he'll probably offline us anyway."  
"Or worse."  
At first the two Gods didn't want to interfere, but they just couldn't take it any more. They could only begin to imagine what this was like for them.  
"Did you get another email?" Loki asked, startling the two young Autobots. "Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."  
"It's OK." Said Jetfire. "And yes, we did."  
"Whoever it is wants us to meet at Hillsborough Park."  
Loki and Thor read the email and were amazed that they could work it out so fast. They had to remember that they graduated from the academy way early and were the youngest ever to graduate.  
'!NEPPAH LLIW TAHW WONK UOY ,T'NOD UOY FI .KRAP HGUOROBSLLIH LLAC SGNILHTRAE ECALP EHT TA EM TEEM !TUO ENO SIHT KROW

Jetfire and Jetstorm eventually went to Hillsborough Part to meet up with this guy. They agreed to so he could be caught, Vampirella and Blurr went along and hid behind trees.  
A cloaked guy walked up to them. They then realised why they chose Hillsborough Park. It was pretty deserted when it wasn't a match day.  
"OK. We're here. What do you want?" Jetstorm asked.  
"I didn't expect you to come alone. I didn't specify that. Maybe you should have brought someone." He reached into his trouser pocket. Vampirella and Blurr wondered weather or not to advance. He pulled out a gun. Jetfire and Jetstorm backed away suddenly while Vampirella and Blurr immediately advanced, aiming their weapons at the stranger.  
"Put the gun down!" Vampirella ordered.  
"It was foolish to come here."

Skywarp suddenly remembered something. "W-Wait. Where are Fire and Storm?"  
"Zhey vent to meet ze creep. Vhy?" Blitzwing promised to stay with Skywarp until he made a full recovery.  
_1...BOOM! He didn't get away quick enough. He felt like hell. It was quite dark, but he noticed someone close by. How did he survive the blast? And more importantly, who was he?!  
"Ah, you know Jetfire and Jetstorm, right? Do them a favour, and make sure they never meet me."  
Skywarp received a powerful kick, before hearing "Or you won't be the only one in danger of offlining."_  
Skywarp told Blitzwing what he knew, so he could send Vampirella and Blurr a secret message via comm link.

The gun was aimed at Jetfire, then at Jetstorm, then back at Jetfire.  
"Which should I offline first?"  
"What makes you think you'll get that far?" Vampirella asked.  
The mystery guy looked at Vampirella, but kept the gun alternating between the twins.  
"Oh I know I will...But not today."  
BANG!


	7. Medical Assistance

_BANG!_  
Jetfire and Jetstorm looked around, wondering where the bullet went. As did Vampirella. Blurr, however, knew exactly where the bullet went. They noticed Blurr's servo over where his spark was.  
"Zippy?" Vampirella had a worrying tone.  
He moved his servo shakily to see just how much bleeding there was before collapsing. Before he could hit the ground, Jetfire and Jetstorm caught him and slowly and gently lowered him onto the grass.  
"Oh scrap! I can't do this, we need Knockout!" Vampirella tried to call for Knockout but then remembered... "SCRAP!"  
"What?" Jetfire asked.  
"Signal is awful at the best of times here. But right now Knockout's all the way up there in Asgard. I can't get through."  
"We've not got much time!" Jetstorm reminded her.  
They noticed their friend begin to fade.  
"It's too near the spark I don't know what to do!" Vampirella panicked.

**Anonymous says: Ah, Loki  
Trickster says: What do you want now?  
Anonymous says: A friend of yours may need a little...medical assistance  
****_Anonymous is offline_**  
"Knockout!" Loki yelled.

The four bots noticed it was getting rather windy. In fact, it looked almost like a storm. Just like...  
"I got a message saying a friend of ours may need medical assistance." They sighed with relief when they saw the friendly faces of Loki and Knockout.  
Knockout immediately rushed to Blurr.

They managed to get back on Asgard. Blurr was still online but barely.  
"But why would he tell you?" Shockwave asked.  
Loki paused. "Maybe...maybe things didn't go according to plan."  
"H-He said to do them a favour and make sure they never meet him." Skywarp told them. He was slowly recovering. At least he could walk now.  
"He said he didn't expect them to come alone." Vampirella remembered. "And that it was foolish to have met him."  
Their thoughts were interrupted by a nearby scream.


	8. Friends Reunited

_"Thundercats are on the move! Thundercats are loose!" Two girls sang on a comedy show they do online.  
"Feel the magic, hear the roar, Thundercats are loose."  
"And the award for best rhyming theme goes to..." Shouted the girl with messy black hair on her left side and really short red hair on the other. "Although, you know what comes close to that?"  
"What?" The brown haired girl asked.  
"Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Teenage mutant ninja turtles. Heroes in a half shell." She sang.  
"Wow. How did they come up with that?"_

"Who was that?" Vampirella asked. She and Loki went with Shockwave to check it out, while Skywarp went to see how Blurr was.

Skywarp felt awful. He was warned. The creep did tell him to stop Jetfire and Jetstorm from meeting him. That was all so confusing. But he didn't care about that right now.  
"How is he?" He asked Knockout.  
"He...he'll be OK." He paused. "I need to..do some stuff. Will you stay with him?"  
Skywarp walked closer to his unconscious friend. "Did you really have to ask?"

"Fire? Storm?" Vampirella yelled, knocking on their door. It was locked. She didn't get a response. She bashed the door open, but no-one was there.  
"But...how?" Loki asked. "The door was locked from the inside and so it the window."  
"Wait." Shockwave said. "Look at this."

Skywarp had to admit, Blurr looked adorable when he was sleeping. He heard a few raspy breaths, before Blurr opened his eyes.  
"W-Warp"  
"Oh thank Primus you're online, Zippy! I thought I was going to loose you!"  
The two hugged, showing no signs of letting go.  
"I-I don't...give up...that easily."  
Skywarp hated seeing his friend like this. He wiped his tears, not wanting his friend to see him cry.  
They stayed like that for at least 5 cycles (minutes) until the door burst open.  
Skywarp looked towards them, his eyes red from crying. "Way to ruin a moment."  
"Fire and Storm are missing!" Vampirella yelled.  
"We found a note." Loki told them.  
"Wh-what does...it say?" Blurr asked.  
"Zippy you're awake!" Vampirella yelled.  
Loki sighed. "Well thank you Captain Obvious. And also that is not what the note says." He turned to Blurr. "You OK?"  
"I-I'm...yeah. Fine."  
Vampirella shook her head. "Well I have no idea what it means!"

"HELP!"

**Sorry the chapters seem to be getting shorter. I stayed up all night writing up to chapter 6. I'll try to make them longer and better**


	9. Where Are We?

**A warning should go here about my pervish mind. Just a few dirty minded interpretations. Nothing serious.**

Vampirella was panicking. "OK this is usually the time the BAU tell us what coloured socks the 'unsub' wears or something! What the hell do we do?!"  
Shockwave grabbed her shoulders. "Don't panic! You're usually good at profiling."  
"Yeah, coz I'm very observant! He's not actually done much!"  
Shockwave pulled his friend into a hug. "It's OK. Just don't worry."  
Vampirella sighed and leaned into the hug.

Jetfire woke up slowly, trying to remember what just happened but sadly failing. He looked around, hoping to figure out where he was. It was too dark to see fully, but he could see enough to know that his brother was right next to him, unconscious.

_"Do you like cheese?" Asked the Decepticon. They had never seen her before but they knew who it was.  
Jetstorm smiled. "Is this being part of the interrogation?"  
"Hey, this question will completely determine how this war will end."  
The two had, obviously, been terrified when they were captured, until they found out which Decepticon they would be stuck with. No matter how evil and Decepticon-like she was, she'd always make people laugh with her strangeness. Even if that wasn't the intention.  
"So be telling us." Said Jetfire. "What would be happening if we said we don't?"  
"Latin Zombies will offline you slowly with shoes and laptop charges."  
The two giggled. "And anyway, I don't actually know what I'm supposed to be getting out of you two...which kinda sounded a little pervish."  
The twins smiled. Yes, there were definitely worse Decepticons they could have been stuck with.  
"Weren't you listening to your leader?" Jetfire asked.  
"What do you take me for? Of course I wasn't!" She smiled and ate some grapes with ketchup._

Jetfire shook his brother in an attempt to wake him up but he couldn't. He was still really weak and tired from whatever happened. He wondered if the others had noticed they were missing, and if so...were they trying to find them?

"I have no idea where they could be. There's nothing to suggest anything." Vampirella looked like she was about to cry.  
Shockwave hugged her again. "It's OK, let it out."  
Vampirella sort of laughed but it sounded rather sad. "Let it out?"  
He smiled. That was the Vampirella he knew.

Jetstorm woke up to find his brother curled up next to him, recharging. He lightly shook him.  
"Brother? You're awake."  
"Where are we being?"  
"I am not knowing."  
It was cold. Really cold. And a little damp. Wherever they were! Before you start getting other thoughts. Dark. They had already established that. That was all they knew.


	10. Sweet Dreams

It was 11:58pm. Vampirella did what the note said. She logged on to her MSN account and waited.  
**_Anonymous is online_****  
Anonymous: So, you received the note  
Wednesdayite: Yes. Where the frag are they?!  
Anonymous: Temper temper  
Wednesdayite: I'VE HAD JUST ABOUT ENOUGH OF THIS!  
Anonymous: Be nice or you may never find them  
Wednesdayite: What do you want?  
Anonymous: You  
****_Anonymous is offline_**  
Vampirella just glared at the screen. _What?_  
"...Well that was a little pervish."

Blurr was still pretty weak, but he was still up and about. He was trying his best to help find out where 'fire and 'storm could be. Although, maybe he was trying a little too hard. At least Blitzwing was there to catch him when he stumbled.  
"Woah. Are you OK?"  
"Erm, yes. Yes I'm fine. Thanks."  
His speech was perfectly understandable, which worried Blitzwing.  
"Just take it easy." Which made them both laugh as soon as Blitz said it. Vampirella's German teacher was in an Eagles Tribute Band called Motel California, and Take it Easy was one of the songs they did. They still hadn't gotten over it. And he knows that Vampirella knows. She goes to plenty of their gigs and the teacher always spots her. Well, she does stand out.  
"Or rather...take it...eashy." Blurr joked, making Blitzwing smile. The teacher was very much like Sean Connery in the sense that he says 'sh' not 's'.

Thor was sat watching the spider in his room. It was pretty big. It was what Vampirella would call a Dustbin Lid for some unknown reason. He was trying to take his mind off things. He wouldn't know where to start with trying to figure out where Jetfire and Jetstorm could be or attempting to negotiate with whoever the capturer was. He was an excellent fighter, but Loki was more the strategist. The distraction didn't last for long though. He had only looked away for only a few seconds. The spider isn't the problem, the problem is when it disappears.

They had no idea how long they had been there. Jetstorm was having real trouble staying awake. He was recharging again and leaning on his brother. Jetfire had the opposite problem. He couldn't recharge. He was really tired but he was worried sick over his brother. Those two were so protective over each other.

The question 'do you have enemies' is usually a good place to start. But not so much with Vampirella.  
_Vampirella ran into the main room.  
"I may have accidentally flooded Quintessa!"  
Perceptor sighed. "Just like you accidentally dropped the building on Doctor Octopus? After chopping off one of those tentacle things? Which, may I add, was the wrong one!"  
Vampirella looked to the floor, guiltily. "Maybe."_  
Yes, Vampirella had a fair amount of enemies.

Jetstorm whimpered in his sleep. Jetfire hated seeing his brother like this.  
He shook him gently. "Wake up."  
"Ah." He eventually became aware of who had just woken him up. "Brother."  
"Were you having nightmare?"  
Jetstorm nodded. "You know how Vampirella is saying everyone you see in your dreams you have been seeing somewhere before?"

_"I can tell you 15 interesting facts about dreams." Vampirella began. "For starters, you always forget about 90% your dreams."  
"You are meaning you are having more Herr Tightjeans dreams than you are telling us about?" Jetstorm asked, as Jetfire shuddered.  
Vampirella smiled. "Hmm. I guess so. Also in your dreams, you only dream about people you've met before."  
Jetfire laughed. "So you are seeing flying polar bear that is eating human's faces before?"  
"Aww Pandora." Vampirella remember. The polar bear would fly through people's windows and eat their faces. Only people Vampirella didn't like though. "Dreams are symbolic apparently. So my Herr Tightjeans dreams are symbolic. If you are snoring, you can't be dreaming."  
The twins smiled as Vampirella continued telling them interesting dream facts. She had no idea how happy they were that she was on their side now._

Jetfire smiled at the memory. "I am remembering."  
"I am not actually remembering now, but it had something to do with Vampirella's Y8 science teacher..."  
The two laughed. A nightmare about Vampirella's Y8 science teacher. He'd love to hear about that.


	11. They think it's all over

Vampirella was pretty desperate to profile this guy. "He had no way of knowing who would have been there with 'fire and 'storm so he's flexible. He was cloaked and his dark hair in front of his face stopped us from being able to identify him...and that's all I got."  
Mirage put an arm around Vampirella. "It's something. We're getting there."  
"Hillsborough Park."  
"I'm sorry?"  
Vampirella paused, thinking this through before telling her friend. "He chose Hillsborough Park. He quoted Size of a Cow. He told me to meet him online at 11:58pm AKA two minutes to midnight."  
Mirage knew where she was going with this. "He must have done his research."

Thor was about to leave his room and find someone to ask about the situation. He got to his door, and found the spider. It looked strange. Shiny, almost. And the eyes. They blinked red...this wasn't an actual spider.

"Thor." Perceptor greeted. "You have a spider on your hand."  
"Really? I had not noticed." Perceptor smiled. "Take a look."  
The scientist took a step back. "Thor I have seen many spiders."  
"This isn't, though, this is strange."  
Perceptor held the spider and noticed it was made of...metal? A metal spider. He watched it for a few moments before realising...oh Primus they were being spied on.

"I don't think this is the only one." The scientist told them.  
Vampirella paused. "So...does this explain the increase in Dustbin Lids?"  
Perceptor nodded.  
"...EW! I ate one of those!"  
Thor laughed. "OK so it is not gross unless the spider is metal?"  
"That's like cannibalism...but not...ew." Vampirella overreacted in her weird and wonderful way. She then paused. "I think I know where they are."

It may sound strange, but there's nothing worse that being captured and then being left alone. Suspense. It was awful.  
**BANG!**  
The two clung to each other.  
"Guys?" They heard the friendly voice of Mirage.  
"Mirage?" Jetfire dared to shout.  
He rushed towards them, followed by Vampirella, Thor and Loki. The twins cowered when they heard the noise of a shotgun.  
"I knew you'd come." The shotgun was pointed at Vampirella. Mirage turned himself invisible and made his way towards the capturer.  
Vampirella raised her servos. "OK, you got me. But let them go."  
"Oh I don't think so." He pulled the trigger, but the shot never reached Vampirella. Mirage had jerked the gun. Another shot, but this time it was aimed at the capturer.  
Thor and Loki held hands out for Jetfire and Jetstorm to help them up. They all hugged, glad it was all over.  
Vampirella, being as observant as she was, noticed something dripping on the floor. She couldn't, however, find the cause. The drip was just...there.  
Loki noticed there was someone missing from the group hug. "Mirage?"  
He made himself visible.


	12. It is now

_"Mirage?"  
He made himself visible_  
He didn't say a word. His servo was over his spark. He looked up before collapsing.

"We're loosing him!"  
"It's hit his spark."  
"I don't think he'll make it."  
"Don't say that."  
Mirage awoke to see four blurs, he couldn't make out anyone. But from the voices, he knew exactly who was there. Vampirella noticed he was awake and promptly grabbed hold of his servo and held it tight.  
"H-How are...'fire and 'storm?"  
Vampirella wiped a tear from her optic. "They're fine. Jazz and Blaster showed them Robot Unicorn Attack and now they're addicted. It's as if nothing's happened."  
Mirage smiled. "Th-that's good. That game...always looked addictive."

"Dash dash dash!" Jazz yelled. The unicorn did dash...straight into the cliff.  
Jetfire and Jetstorm _were_ now addicted to this game, but it's not like they had forgotten what had happened. They couldn't help thinking that if they hadn't gotten captured in the first place, Mirage wouldn't be fighting for his life.  
"It was a new personal best." Blaster pointed out.

Thor was in his room with Loki, Blurr, Skywarp and Blitzwing. They were having a go at the video game their friend Bumblebee had leant them called Ninja Gladiator. They always said Jazz and Megatron should go head to head on that game. Jazz being a ninja and Megatron having been a gladiator.

"If you die you see the unicorn's severed head." Shockwave told his friend.  
Mirage laughed weakly. "Lovely."  
"Blame Vampirella's school friend." Said Knockout.  
Vampirella nodded. "A friend told me about it on Facebook. It is highly addictive."  
Mirage started to fade. He flatlined.

Everyone else heard it. Just about all of them managed a tear or two at least.

_It was Vampirella's construction day. They had gone to see the Odd Sock's version of Macbeth (a comedy group). It was amazing, especially at the end with Iron Man. The witches would wave their hands in front of their faces and say "invisible" in that strange typical witch voice. Ever since then, whenever Vampirella was down or depressed, which was often, Mirage would cheer her up by doing that. It always worked._

They all just listened to the continuous beep. The medics were desperately trying to get Mirage's spark going again but sadly failing.

_"Aah Autobot." Vampirella shrieked.  
Mirage tilted his head. "Why are you hanging upside down from a tree?"  
The small Decepticon held out a blue and white flower. "I was getting this flower."  
The Towers bot looked up. "From the tree."  
"Yes."  
He nodded. "I see."  
"Yes. You should."  
"I'm Mirage."  
"Vampirella. Now if you could be so kind." Mirage helped untangle Vampirella from the vines of the tree._

The medics were getting ready to give up. They had done all they could.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep...

* * *

**Wondering whether or not to write an epilogue or sequel. I don't care that I don't tend to get many viewers**


	13. Epilogue

_**Epilogue**_

"Ninjas don't do that!" Vampirella yelled.  
Megatron laughed. "They do now!"  
"No fair." Jazz complained. "Three ninjas versus one gladiator and you're still completely slagging us."  
The former Decepticon tyrant smiled.  
Mirage walked in on them. "Well clearly it's better to be a gladiator."  
"Ha! Thank you!" Megatron and Mirage hi5ed, while Vampirella narrowed her optics.  
Jazz saw Jetfire and Jetstorm at the other side of the room. "Hey guys! Help us out here!"  
The two smiled, and made their way towards the competitive bots. Perceptor paused the game to add two more players to their side, and then resumed it again.

A few minutes later, Thor and Loki walked past but stopped to listen in on a rather disturbing conversation.  
"Move!"  
"Come on!"  
"We're so close!"  
"Come on nearly there."  
"Up up up!"  
"Oh that's hard."  
"Ack don't do that!"  
"Whoops."  
"Ooh yes in your face."  
They just had to enter the room to see what was going on...thank the gods they were playing a video game.

This was two days after the incident. It really was as if nothing had happened.


End file.
